The Smoking Babe of the Day

Red and Green =... Watermelon??

Now I'm a big fan of gum. Who isn't? Its the perfect relief for a stoner trying to escape cotton and who doesn't love the passionate feelings of excitement you get from the burst of flavor.  Same with any chewable candy for that matter. But the one thing that really kicks my bowl, is shitty artificial fruit flavors....and specifically the sharp obnoxious taste of "water melon" flavored candy. Unlike cherry, apple, or orange (and pretty much any other fruit) flavors where you can  somewhat kind of loosely see where it may have a slight resemblance to the flavor of the actual fruit, water favored shit tastes absolutely nothing like watermelon. In fact does anything taste like watermelon? No because it's fucking 98% water and has no taste. So what I wanna know is, who was the jack ass over at the artificial flavor company (or wherever this flavor was created), who said," hmmm lets take this weird pink (or red) flavor, and mix it with this green flavored shit, and it'll use the 2 colors of watermelon, so by default we can call it watermelon flavor." Well genius, it's not the same thing. The worst part of this crisis, is that every gum, candy, vodka, slush puppie, etc. uses that same shitty flavor as their "watermelon" flavor. Some company really's gotta grow some balls, and make a new watermelon flavor that either A) tastes like watermelon or B) isn't as shitty as the current trend in the industry. Either or... I'll be happy.

Grilled Cheese Please

One of the great things about the culinary arts is that it is something that every man can join. No matter who, no matter where people enjoy their grub. And the thing that in  my mind that really puts food in the category of "Fine Arts" is that like other art, it truly embraces the imperfections as beauty. Take a grill cheese sandwich for example. Everyone's favorite childhood (and still today deep down) and the ultimate rainy day fix up. It's heartwarming warm, cheesy, savoring, and so much more. The different textures, smells, and levels of softness just give you a feeling of euphoria with every bite. The thing with grilled cheese tho, is that it's the diversity and blemishes that truly make it what it is and illustrate all this craft stands for. 

Lets face it, nobody wants there grilled cheese in a perfect square, everyone wants the rounded corners, and one worker longer or fatter than the others. Nobody wants a measly piece of toast for the cover of this masterpiece. We all want a moist, buttery middle, but we want the crust and the outer edges to have an  edgy crispness to them maybe so some of the crust breaks off when you bite it. A don't even let me get going on the cheese. It would be sin in 6 different religions to have a grilled cheese with cheese perfectly within the confines of the bread. One of the main components of this dexterity, is the cheese slipping out from under the bread and oozing down the side of the sandwich with no symmetrical pattern whats so ever. It's the icing on the cake if you will. Making this wonder, is a trade, but the greatest part of it all is anyone can really do, and it's pretty fucking hard to fuck up if your generous with both the butter and cheese. The ultimate stoner food. 

The Smoking Babe of the Day

Beach Ball Man

So I'm sitting here watching the Sox game and what happens?...a beach ball lands in the outfield. Nothing that unusual for a major baseball game. But what caught my attention, was who ran onto the field to retrieve it. It was just one of those regular ole ushers that stands in the bullpen making it look like they have an important job when in all reality they just stand there praying for an opportunity like that.  Those fews seconds where that guy got to run out on the Fenway Grass in front of 30,000 people must have been surreal to him. An opportunity he probably dreamed of night in and night out. His claim to fame. He probably has a screen shot of the television of him run action reaching down and picking up that large ball. The fans booed of course and that mud thane just added to the thrill. I guarantee you he was experiencing a natural high and there was adrenaline rushing through his veins. All those cold rainy nights when the score was a blow out where he was still forced to stand in that uncovered bull pen. Or those early days where he was the peanut guy slaving up and down those stairs for little reward. When that hard working man  hastily bolted onto the field and then made a dramatic hope of the green outfield wall to reassume his previous position, all those previous nights must have seemed so worth it. Well good for him! (and I'm not being sarcastic by any means) .

Pop Corn...Really?

Have you ever wondered why the fuck popcorn is associated with being a "movie food". Let's face the two are like bacon and eggs but honestly they couldn't be any worse for one another. Think about when you eat pop corn in a crowded theater it's just common courtesy to chew with your mouth closed. The thing is when you do that, the sound of you chewing is amplified by 100 inside your head and you can barely hear the movie. Then, if you do want to hear the movie your only choice is to chew with your mouth open and in doing so you impair everyone else in your proximity from hearing the movie. Now imagine everyone in the theater going through this personal  moral dilemma of what to do regarding chewing their popcorn. Honestly, don't get me wrong, I love pop corn....it's  a great stoner munchie, a great sporting event snack, and even a great movie food (if of course you laying down alone with your laptop and noise canceling headphones), but why the fuck did it get trapped inside the thick walls of the "Movie Culture".

I'm guessing the reason is because it was first paired with  movie in the age of the silent movie, where nobody gives a fuck if they can't hear anything. Heck, even Hellen Keller could enjoy those things. The thing is, the Charlie Chaplin days are over and so should the days of eating pop corn at the movie theater.

This One Always Hits the Spot