The Smoking Babe of the Day

Red and Green =... Watermelon??

Now I'm a big fan of gum. Who isn't? Its the perfect relief for a stoner trying to escape cotton and who doesn't love the passionate feelings of excitement you get from the burst of flavor.  Same with any chewable candy for that matter. But the one thing that really kicks my bowl, is shitty artificial fruit flavors....and specifically the sharp obnoxious taste of "water melon" flavored candy. Unlike cherry, apple, or orange (and pretty much any other fruit) flavors where you can  somewhat kind of loosely see where it may have a slight resemblance to the flavor of the actual fruit, water favored shit tastes absolutely nothing like watermelon. In fact does anything taste like watermelon? No because it's fucking 98% water and has no taste. So what I wanna know is, who was the jack ass over at the artificial flavor company (or wherever this flavor was created), who said," hmmm lets take this weird pink (or red) flavor, and mix it with this green flavored shit, and it'll use the 2 colors of watermelon, so by default we can call it watermelon flavor." Well genius, it's not the same thing. The worst part of this crisis, is that every gum, candy, vodka, slush puppie, etc. uses that same shitty flavor as their "watermelon" flavor. Some company really's gotta grow some balls, and make a new watermelon flavor that either A) tastes like watermelon or B) isn't as shitty as the current trend in the industry. Either or... I'll be happy.

Grilled Cheese Please

One of the great things about the culinary arts is that it is something that every man can join. No matter who, no matter where people enjoy their grub. And the thing that in  my mind that really puts food in the category of "Fine Arts" is that like other art, it truly embraces the imperfections as beauty. Take a grill cheese sandwich for example. Everyone's favorite childhood (and still today deep down) and the ultimate rainy day fix up. It's heartwarming warm, cheesy, savoring, and so much more. The different textures, smells, and levels of softness just give you a feeling of euphoria with every bite. The thing with grilled cheese tho, is that it's the diversity and blemishes that truly make it what it is and illustrate all this craft stands for. 

Lets face it, nobody wants there grilled cheese in a perfect square, everyone wants the rounded corners, and one worker longer or fatter than the others. Nobody wants a measly piece of toast for the cover of this masterpiece. We all want a moist, buttery middle, but we want the crust and the outer edges to have an  edgy crispness to them maybe so some of the crust breaks off when you bite it. A don't even let me get going on the cheese. It would be sin in 6 different religions to have a grilled cheese with cheese perfectly within the confines of the bread. One of the main components of this dexterity, is the cheese slipping out from under the bread and oozing down the side of the sandwich with no symmetrical pattern whats so ever. It's the icing on the cake if you will. Making this wonder, is a trade, but the greatest part of it all is anyone can really do, and it's pretty fucking hard to fuck up if your generous with both the butter and cheese. The ultimate stoner food. 

The Smoking Babe of the Day

Beach Ball Man

So I'm sitting here watching the Sox game and what happens?...a beach ball lands in the outfield. Nothing that unusual for a major baseball game. But what caught my attention, was who ran onto the field to retrieve it. It was just one of those regular ole ushers that stands in the bullpen making it look like they have an important job when in all reality they just stand there praying for an opportunity like that.  Those fews seconds where that guy got to run out on the Fenway Grass in front of 30,000 people must have been surreal to him. An opportunity he probably dreamed of night in and night out. His claim to fame. He probably has a screen shot of the television of him run action reaching down and picking up that large ball. The fans booed of course and that mud thane just added to the thrill. I guarantee you he was experiencing a natural high and there was adrenaline rushing through his veins. All those cold rainy nights when the score was a blow out where he was still forced to stand in that uncovered bull pen. Or those early days where he was the peanut guy slaving up and down those stairs for little reward. When that hard working man  hastily bolted onto the field and then made a dramatic hope of the green outfield wall to reassume his previous position, all those previous nights must have seemed so worth it. Well good for him! (and I'm not being sarcastic by any means) .

Pop Corn...Really?

Have you ever wondered why the fuck popcorn is associated with being a "movie food". Let's face the two are like bacon and eggs but honestly they couldn't be any worse for one another. Think about when you eat pop corn in a crowded theater it's just common courtesy to chew with your mouth closed. The thing is when you do that, the sound of you chewing is amplified by 100 inside your head and you can barely hear the movie. Then, if you do want to hear the movie your only choice is to chew with your mouth open and in doing so you impair everyone else in your proximity from hearing the movie. Now imagine everyone in the theater going through this personal  moral dilemma of what to do regarding chewing their popcorn. Honestly, don't get me wrong, I love pop corn....it's  a great stoner munchie, a great sporting event snack, and even a great movie food (if of course you laying down alone with your laptop and noise canceling headphones), but why the fuck did it get trapped inside the thick walls of the "Movie Culture".

I'm guessing the reason is because it was first paired with  movie in the age of the silent movie, where nobody gives a fuck if they can't hear anything. Heck, even Hellen Keller could enjoy those things. The thing is, the Charlie Chaplin days are over and so should the days of eating pop corn at the movie theater.

This One Always Hits the Spot

The Smoking Babe of the Day

The Watering Hole or Should I Say Bowl...

Have you ever noticed how the smoking circle is just like an watering hole in the Savannah. Friends, enemies, lions, elephants, all brought together for a little piece of mother nature. Just like the stoner circle, nobody fights at the watering hole. Everyone's there to enjoy it together and live in peace. In a dry desert water's the one thing that can bring such a diverse group of animals together, in a dry and dull world, weeds the one thing that could ever bring a hippie, a gangster, and your average joe together. I mean really, where else would you ever find Wiz Khalifa, Obama, and Michael Phelps together?

***I know said nobody fights at the watering hole but this video is one exception and it's too fucking good to leave out of the blog in order to protect my credibility.

and speaking of the smoking circle....

The Smoking Babe(s) of the Day

Maybe I'll take up reading again

This One's Always Good

What's his story?

Have you ever looked at some of these iconic pictures in western culture and noticed some of the characters in the background? Like I honestly want to know what certain people's stories are. Like why the fuck are they there. I think the would be the sickest claim to fame for someone to be "that guy standing on the curb of Abbey Road".  I think the coolest movie ever regardless if it's a comedy, drama, thriller, or whatever else would start with like a look at some very well known and iconic picture and then make the movie about 5 or so unrelated people in the background and how they all come in contact with each other throughout the movie (kinda of like the movie Crash) and as the pieces of the puzzle of the movie come together and brings them all to that moment in history. Like for the Jordan picture, imagine a movie involving a couple at the game, a news reporter, a cop, a bookie, and some rich dude that got front row tickets. The movie could end with this snap shot  and people's mind ( due to whatever happened in the movie) would be blown.

Chinese Buffet=Stoner Paradise

Besides from the tacky decorations, the employees who can't speak english (which makes for unlimited laughs whenever you have to interact with him/her) , and an unlimited supply of the most diverse u flavorful, and mouthwatering foods, perhaps the greatest part of these Chinese all you can eat buffets is the fact that unless its New Years Eve or Christmas, there's not a soul in their. You can get away with absolute murder and have no worries while doing so. Let's face it when your high and you have the munchies table matters no longer exist and without any other parties sitting anywhere near you, there is nobody to complain. You can let the racial jokes fly as high as you are and you can laugh as loud as you please without any worries. But the best part....no need to be paranoid. You know how there s always that kid (perhaps its you) that just gets paranoid really easy. Heck when I'm beyond baked off of edibles  I don't even like going out in public because I keep thinking everyone is staring. I know at my school a high kids worst nightmare maybe one of our busier dining commons. Going there high during rush hour is like being lost in downtown Hong Kong. It's awful. There's just people and lines everywhere and whenever you think of something funny in your head and smile to yourself you think everyone is watching and you become paranoid again. Not only is getting your actual food a project of its own, but once you do get your meal you face the even bigger and more stressful challenge of finding an open seat. Then when you finally do find a seat, you have to deal with people...everywhere. Some much noise and pandemonium around that it could give any innocent stoner an anxiety attack. It's just not the place you want to be when your high. A chinese all you can eat buffet is literally the exact opposite of this and thus fore  = Paradise.

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I FOUND ICE CUBES ‘GOOD DAY’

CLUE 1:
“went to short dogs house,
they was watching Yo MTV
RAPS”
Yo MTV RAPS first aired:
Aug 6th 1988
CLUE 2:
Ice Cubes single “today was a good day” released on:
Feb 23 1993
CLUE 3:
”The Lakers beat the Super
Sonics”
Dates between Yo MTV Raps air date AUGUST 6 1988 and the release of the single FEBRUARY 23 1993 where the Lakers beat the Super Sonics:
Nov 11 1988    114-103
Nov 30 1988    110-106
Apr    4 1989    115-97
Apr  23 1989    121-117
Jan  17 1990    100-90
Feb  28 1990    112-107
Mar  25 1990    116-94
Apr  17  1990    102-101
Jan  18  1991    105-96
Mar  24  1991    113-96
Apr  21  1991    103-100
Jan  20  1992    116-110
CLUE 4:
Dates of those Laker wins over SuperSonics where it was a clear day with no Smog:
Nov 30 1988
Apr   4  1989
Jan 18  1991
Jan 20  1992
CLUE 5:
“Got a beep from Kim, and
she can fuck all night”
beepers weren’t adopted by mobile phone companies until the 1990s. Dates left where mobile beepers were availible to public:
Jan 18 1991
Jan 20 1992
CLUE 6:
Ice Cube starred in the film “Boyz in the hood” that released late Summer of 1991, but was being filmed mid-late 1990 early 1991 and Ice Cube was busy on set filming the movie Jan 18 1991 too busy to be lounging around the streets with no plans. Ladies and Gentlemen..

The ONLY day where:
Yo MTV Raps was on air
It was a clear and smogless day
Beepers were commercially sold
Lakers beat the SuperSonics
and Ice Cube had no events to attend was…

JANUARY 20 1992
National Good Day Day

-Donovan

That's the thing tho. When they say you are what you eat, they should really say you are what you smoke. Think about it alcohol is essentially poison or even better the shit  and it makes people dark and evil and angry. Weed on the other hand is indeed a piece mother nature herself and after smoking you feel natural, happy, and newly born just like nature.

The Smoking Babe of the Day

Smoke Trick Artist and Outfielders

So recently I realized a striking similarity between a skilled smoke trick blower and a baseball outfield. That is both of these vital athletes abilities to perform can be great inhibited by the weather and most specifically the sun and wind. For if it is windy, much like an outfielder may have trouble reading a fly ball, the smoke trick artist may trouble reading the movement of the smoke if it is too windy. Also just like an outfielder may have trouble seeing fly ball in the glaring sun, bad lighting (either too dim or too bright) can deter the smokers (and audience's) ability to see the smoke.

Your Comic Relief For the Day