Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Smoking Babe of the Day

Death of a Bong

^ All that remains of poor Harvey


This past weekend my dear bong Harvey had a tragic fall.  He jumped...or should I say she jumped. That's the thing, Harvey was truly of the feminine gender, but trapped inside a boys body and I wouldn't accept her for that. 

I rushed into purchasing Harvey shortly after my first and true love Dylan had a climatic life taking accident. I wanted to replace Dylan so much that I was blinded to see the deep personal moments  you have when you first purchase your pride and joy. That magical moment when your baked self suddenly realize the perfect name for he or she seized to exist for me. I quickly forced a male name on the poor thing before even taking time to see what it's gender was. I never had a special bond this bong like I had with Dylan. I never shower with this one nor did I me and him (or I should say her) have a special song. I was still mourning Dylan's death and didn't even give these moments a chance to happen with Harvey. I was a cruel an stubborn unreasonable bong owner making a "casual smoker" mistake. I should have had D.B.S. (Department of Bong Services) called on me for crying out loud. 

A High Man's Best Friend




On a hot spring afternoon, after driving for awhile with the sun in your eyes, right after you just smoked nothing sounds more refreshing than a nice, cold, Cumby’s chill zones. The best in this world you can buy for less than a buck…(I know what your gonna say, but before you say it just remember the dollar menu items at fast food restaurants actually cost more than a dollar with tax). Anyway as I majestically made mine the other day I just got lost in the different colors. I felt like an artist working on a masterpiece. Time just seemed to stop and it was just me, that plastic cup, and that magnificent wondrous machine.

When my cup was finally filled to the brim, I anxiously stabbed the red straw the hole at the top and began to slowly slurp the icy cold refreshment…Mmmm It was delicious and it made all that time and effort seem so worth it. I, with my own two hands, had just created a culinary masterpiece. But then I thought about it afterward, no matter how bad it tasted or how much the different flavors ruined each other’s taste, I was so high that it was going to taste delicious regardless. Just all the cold, flavors, and colors mixed into one complex potion.  Then I thought, I bet no matter the circumstance a chill zone will taste so amazing when stoned. Like it’s just impossible to fuck up. Plus it is so entertaining to make it and will really make you feel like an artist. I recommend everyone do this as soon as possible.