Stoned to Death

You know how back in olden times people were "stoned" to death. Well it seems like historians just assumed it meant killed with heavy stones...but what if it actually meant they would be forced to smoke so much weed until they died. I mean I guess that actually wouldn't make sense since it is impossible to smoke so much weed you die so maybe...maybe it was actually a good thing. Like when you were wrongly accused and found innocent maybe that was the reward, they allowed you to smoke as much weed as you can. Hmmm... I wonder.

For All You Stoners Out There...We Are Looking to "Higher"

Clarence is seeking a fellow stoner to fill a "cashed"or "kicked" position with SSS. Send resumes to clarencethestoner@gmail.com

Long Live The Stoners

A High Kids Paradise

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There' s an Ap for That

So today me and a couple buddies decided to utilize this gorgeous weather and go kayaking. Baked of course. Well at one point we decided it would be super “cool” to smoke together in the middle of the lake. The only problem was it was very difficult to determine where precisely the center was. Then I got this genius idea. There should be an I phone ap that guides you to the center. It doesn’t have to be a lake but could be anything. Like if you could just capture the coordinates along the outside and then the ap would guide you to the dead center coordinates. This would be so useful when building a baseball field, or getting max height on a trampoline, or just being able to find the middle of shit.

Hmmm...

Alright so speaking of this kayak shit, I came up with another million dollar idea. They should have fast food establishments on the edge of the water and instead of a drive thru window they have a kayak thru window. How sick would that be. Yeah I realize these wouldn’t exist on some calm, secluded lake…BUT place like the San Francisco Bay or other places full of kayakers would be a key location. What a great tourist attraction that would be…

But then I got thinking, what about just a floating circle concession stand. Where all boaters whether it  be canoes, kayaks, paddle boats, sail boats, fishing boats could all float toward and get served without having to leave the boats.  Kind of like a bar they could just dock right next to it and get served right over a counter. OR even better, just like waitresses that would roller blade to your car with your order in the 1950’s, they could beautiful ladies in kayaks run your food to you. Oh the possibilities are endless. I mean just look at that pic above, doesn't a hot dog just belong in each of their hands. 

The Smoking Babe of the Day

A little something from the Brookline Boys (Can You Say Shout out?)

But seriously this is so fucking good.


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Creepy But Cool?

So as I was driving this delightful afternoon baked as usually, with the windows down, my tunes grooving, and the sun shining bright, I drove past a front yard with two little kids (most likely siblings) playing innocently in the front yard. Then I was thinking….

What would happen if I just parked the car, and my and my friend got out, and we just ran and picked up the kids and took off down the street running, Like WTF would the mother being thinking as she saw this. I mean clearly were not sketchy people or gangsters or anything but it would still be so bizarre. Like just imagine to high kids running away with your kids giggling and laughing. I just wanna see that done. Like it would be the funniest fucking YouTube video.

Like just imagine these 2 kids just snagged

By these fools... 

Too Funny. 

The Smoking Babe of the Day

Haha what if?

So you now how regardless of where you go the local stoners all have that one special place for smoking. The one place passed down from generation to generation where there is never any worry of getting caught by the police. The go to place. The place every stoner can call home. Well, where I'm from, that special place come sin the shape of in the side parking lot of Barnes and Noble. (or B-Nobes as the locals call it) 

Anyway, what if the noticed how many kids where just smoking in their side parking lot and so they implemented a new policy which stated that in order to be parked there you have to be a customer and/or reading a book. I was wondering if the stoners would just go inside B-Nobes and buy books just so they could there. Would they just bring their own books to that parking lot so it appears that they are customers reading. Gotta wonder. Haha if anything this would just benefit the stoners. Just trying to wrap our minds around what were reading would be an adventure in its own. Regardless of what we chose I'm sure it would be a great read when high. PLUS...if this were the case us stoners would never have to worry about not having papers....

Haha I Shout Out to whoever likes this shit

The Smoking Babe of the Day

Weed Tooth Paste

They should definitely add weed to toothpaste. I mean I know that they put many mints and other plants in toothpaste anyway so why not add weed? Face it most people brush their teeth in the morning and before bed and there's nothing better than wake n bakes, and smoking right before bed. Plus everyone knows that you brush your teeth for a good 15 minutes when your high. You always daze off but continue to move your toothbrush back vigorously because it feels good. Weed and toothpaste were seriously meant for one another.

Weed: Bringing Families Together Since ....fuck I'm too high to remember.

Just imagine if smoking in our culture was a vey family orientated tradition. Much like the family dinner is today, what if it was the family smoking circle at really brought family together. Can't you must just imagine those corny commercials saying "Share more than weed, at your family smoke circles". I can just picture kids yelling to their mothers after school "Mom what are we having for dinner?" transform into "Mom what are we smoking out of to night?". Of course this dinner would always be at 4:20 on the dot.

Much like  learning to shave, or tie a tie is seen as big father son moment in today's society what if a father teaching a son how to roll a joint or blunt was that equivalent. What if the father always rolls the blunt and the son always watches anxiously just imagining the days where it would be him do that. Then when that son reaches a manhood (say at age 18) he can finally roll the family blunt and it's a huge ceremony. Much like Catholic families view their child's first communion as a big accomplishment in their life, what if a child's first bowl was just like that. Maybe a  son's  bat mitzvah would be the equivalency of their first bong. Rather than memorizing parts of the koran they would have to memorize Bob Marley lyrics and instead Catholics having to know the 10 commandments smokers they would have to know basic smoking etiquette. You know how after making these accomplishments every kid always receives a congratulations  card with green in it from relatives, instead in this society they would be still receiving cards from relatives only there would be a different kind of greenery in it. Just imagine...

The Smoking Babe of the Day

My Worst Nightmare

Anyone else remember how fucking scary these things were? The used to scare the shit out of me. Like especially when they would malfunction and shit. They were so fucking creepy sounding and looking and the worst part of it all was you had no control over them. If I was high ever tripping on acid or shrooms this is definitely the last thing I would want to see. This thing desperately needs a joint to calm down and stop scaring innocent toddlers. Don't believe me how scary they are. Check it our for yourself.

Hearts, Stars, Horseshoes, Clovers, and Blue Moons, Hourglasses, Rainbows, and tasty Red Balloons!

These suckers are an architectural disaster. Like I understand everybody, including myself, die for these things. I mean those marshmallows are so colorful and delightful and bring us back to the good old days. Plus they make you believe that everyday is going to be lucky. But honestly, as much as we love those marshmallows just the way they are, you have to admit some of them look absolutely nothing like the thing they are supposed to. Yeah I understand the horseshoes, the rainbows, the leprechaun's hat, and the balloon look kinda legitimate (it's kind of hard to fuck up balloon seeing it's just a circle, and why the fuck is it leprechaun's hat when it's only supposed to be a clover ?). Anyway...what the fuck is that white cloud thing and how the fuck is it supposed to resemble an hour glass in any way? (Apparently this one was released in 2008)And also why for the stars didn't they just make a classic 5 pointed star. They shooting star thing they made looks more like a wrapped up present if you ask me. (Personally that's what I used to always think it was). Well I did some research and I guess they used to have 5 pointed stars at one point. Check it out yourself     History of Lucky Charms

Wow this things came a long way and I'm so proud to have been a part of it's journey.

How 'Bout Her To Kick Off The New Week

No Better Way To Start Your Day Than A Nice Laugh

Alright so a monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks by and smells the smoke. He yells to the monkey "Hey, what the hell are you doing?"
The monkey says" I'm smoking a J come on up and join me." The lizard then crawls up the tree joins the monkey.  Before the joint is even finished  lizard complains of having cotton mouth. He told the monkey he would be right back and went to the river nearby. While leaning over to drink the water, he was so high that he fell into the river and started to drown. Luckily, a crocodile saw this and rescued the lizard. He what was going on and the lizard explain how he was smoking a J with a monkey and the crocodile said he wanted to check it out himself. The crocodile walked toward the tree the lizard pointed out to him and when the crocodile got under it he yelled to the monkey "What's up man?" The baked monkey responded with "Shit Dude!!! How much water did you drink?"

Don't Even Need To Say Anything Else

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The Ultimate Riot Weapon

Ok so you know how during large riots police often use flash grenades, smoke bombs, tear gas, etc. and to clear an area and take control. Well this is the stupidest thing ever because all these means of getting control does nothing but create more chaos and inciting the rioters even more. What they should do, is set off bombs that release marijuana smoke. Honesty, that would by far be the best thing they could ever do. Let's face it riots and weed are two words you generally don't see together. If everyone was forced to inhale the marijuana smoke, they would become reefed and not want to riot. People would become loving, caring, considerate, lazy, and so philosophical that the riot would just calm its self down. Why don't they do this? I have no fucking idea. Go figure.

Just Fish Bowling It

So you know how some people refer to hot boxing (the process of smoking marijuana inside an enclosed space without any windows or openings. Most commonly done in vehicles with all the windows up. ) as fish bowling. Well what if some fish decided to get high, how would they smoke? Any land mammal could just inhale the smoke like humans to get blazed, but fish do not have lungs, and as far as I'm considered you can't get much of a light underwater. So I was thinking, since fish take in the water to breath, would you have to put them in weed tea in order for them to get high?

What you've all been waiting for

Alright, alrite, All Right...the moment all you stoners have been waiting for....SHARK DAY. And as promised here is the ling anticipated shark post. Now here's my theory...or more of a question if you will. My thought is that if a shark was high it would (like people) be very happy, friendly, and loving an therefore would want nothing to do with killing any fish, people, etc. However after smoking (like humans)   this shark would probably have a serious case of the munchies and would be hungry as fuck. But remember this same shark is too loving, and caring do even think about killing a fish. What would happen then? Would this shark just go crazy in his head, would he die of hunger, would he become a vegetarian? So many questions...

Smoking Babe of the Day

Fly Pants

If you have pants (or any clothing for that matter) made out of hemp, they must be super "fly".

What If?

I know this would never happen but what's life without a good ole"what if..." joke. If the Patriots suddenly decide they are in NEED of Peyton Manning for personal reasons. They move Manning to receive and he's a stud.(A position change that only compares to the Great Bambino goes from star pitcher to hitter because he was so good) The man all sorts of records. Becomes if you will the Babe Ruth of football. (like I said don't ask questions) AND...the Colts never ever win a Superbowl for 86 years and the Pats win it 26 times in that span. Haha What if...

The Ultimate Curse Reverse

An Ole' Hunting Tale

Alright so say to ducks decide to smoke a doobie during their swim the pong. After finishing the big fat Joint, they continue their morning swim and saddlery BANG!!! A hunter had sniped one of those suckers and as one of them dropped to the water, the other one panicked and tried to flee. QUESTION:

Would he able to fly away, or would he have thought he was already flying, since he was so high, and not even think to flap his winds and go through the take off procedures? ... Chew on that fat for awhile.

Riddle Me This

????????????????????????????????????

Alrite say your in the woods on adventurous hunting trip and you suddenly come across two doe standing in the clearing, without even thinking you drop to your knee, raise your rife, aim, and, Bang! One of the two doe instantly hits the ground and the other one scampers away.  You anxiously sprint up to the dead corpse, cut it up, and bring the meat home. When you decide to eat the meat a few days, you get absolutely reefed upon eating the meat. What happened?....

BOOM!!! The 2 deer in the clearing were actually baked themselves. Whether you're an imaginative individual and can picture two cartoon deers just passing a j, or a realistic who pictures a forest fire burn through a weed field and the nearby animals inhale the smoke, (doesn't matter to me) the question still remains? If for whatever reason the deer were high, would you get high from eating them later on? Gonna be a lot of sleepless nights.



P.S. Before you go "WTF? Clarecne why the fuck would they be shooting baby deer?" let me inform that I realize it is is illegal. I'm portraying these hunters as jack ass on purpose becasue to me it doesn't matter how old the the damn deer are because regardless of the age your a cold blooded killer for hunting deer in the first place!!!!!!! 

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Ahhh I miss those good old apple smoking days. A wise man once told me an apple a day keeps the doctor away which is funny because I always believed that a smoking  bowl a day keeps the doctor away. For the doctors sake maybe you should cut back back on both of those.

The Peyton Manning Story (In Stoner Language)

They way I look at it,  a dude Jim  desperately needs dough so he decides to sell bud. His buddy Peyton decides to help his friend out so he decides to take on the risk of building a grow house so he can provide his friend with quality bud. They do this for years, and Peyton keeps producing quality bud for Jim, risking his livelihood and reputation without asking for anything in return except a little help paying for the costs of operating a grow house. Peyton takes financial blows here and there (getting robbed, giving Jim more weed than he paid for, fronting Jim, etc.) but continues to risk it all to help out his best buddy Jim.  Jim's customers love the weed and everyone is happy. Then all of a sudden, Peyton gets busted by the popos trying to deliver his quality weed to Jim, and his put in jail for  a year and so Jim is unable to get weed to sell. While Peyton is in jail, Jim has no weed hook up and his selling career is over and he is broke. At the same time Peyton is released from jail, Jim catches wind of some big shot dude named Luck from Standford who's supposedly got premium Cali Kush but nobody's quite sure. While Peyton already went down trying to help his friend Jim, Peyton understands loyalty and plans on continuing to hook up Jim as it is also Peyton's only form of income. However instead of going back to Peyton's very reputable bud, Jim decides he doesn't want to Pay his loyal friend Peyton anymore so he decides to break into Peyton';s grow house,  stab Peyton in the back killing him, take over his grow house, and invite this Luck guy to come grow his Cali Kush bud in Peyton's old house for free and then they both sell that bud for profit without having to pay for the costs of the house which started it all. Fucked up I know.

I'd still smoke up Peyton Manning

If this was smoking intend of football, Manning would still be there. In the world of smoking things such as respect, loyalty, and remembering your roots mean a whole lot more than they do in the crummy world we live in. Kind of a shame. Real stoners will always be loyal to their fellow stoners and will never forget where they came from just as , smokers always remain loyal to their dealers and dealers remain loyal to their customers. It's just the way it is. 

Smoking Babe of the Day

Damn...that could be the hottest so far. The green under garments really bring here up a few notches. She reminds me of Nancy from the show weeds. (We all know where Nancy ranks on Clarence's scale)

You can blow more than a joint Nancy. 

What Can Green Do For You?

If I were a UPS driver I would just blaze all day. I mean your just driving around all day listening to the radio and talking to random ass people. During the Holiday season you might even get some free cookies and other desserts to munch on. Plus when your in that mysterious back room of the trunk, nobody knows what the fuck your doing. You could put a bean bag back there and just chill with a J during one of your breaks. Shit...you probably get drug tested tho and those trucks would be pretty hard to hot box seeing there are no fucking doors. Anyway, you could easily deal out of one of those bad boys. Your making deliveries anyway and you could just deliver the good stuff in boxes just like an average UPS driver. I don't know why those guys haven't thought of all these possibilities. 

Family High

Although you could watch the tv guide when your high and have a field day with it, there really is nothing better than an episode of Family Guy. Like it's almost as if the show was specifically made for high kids. When your high you just feel like your part of the Griffin family and you catch jokes that you would have never of thought existed and find humor and the most random ass places. Plus all the funny ass parodies and spoofs they do are both questionable and fucking hilarious. The show is literally comic genius. Like whenever they have those conversations that go absolutely nowhere, or have Peter fall and rock back and forth on his back grabbing his knee in pain for 2 minutes, or when they cut to that random video of Conway Twitty, I feel like they defintiely  did that just for their high audience. Other people complain about that stuff but the high kids just embrace it and let their thoughts wander. When your high you don't even have to follow the plot in order to appreciate the show. Yep the show is without a doubt comic genius made specifically for the stoner audience.

**Also I did some research on Mr. Conway Twitty and this is what I found...

Conway Twitty

Whenever I'm Having A Bad Day, This One Always Hits the Spot

t

Ahhh the power of drugs.

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What a Touching Article

Top 10 Things I Miss About Stay-At-Home Pot Dealers

^^^^click on link

I just found this article so touching, I mean after all, after your smoking team and the drive thru guy a taco bell a stoner's drug deal really is their best friend. There's use such loyalty, trust, and pride toward this mysterious person. Like no matter how weird, sketchy, or outright outrageous this person may be, they're your home town dealer and when someone that goes to someone else ever asks your going to claim that this guy has the dankest bud called _______(fill in the blank with some ridiculous name using a random combination of colors, animals, flavors, names, and anything else that sounds like it would be good) and your also going to claim that this guy has ties to Jamaica and possibly even the mafia even though in reality this "drug lord" you speak of it is really just a guy from your town selling dubs out of his car. No matter how weird, absurd, or scary other people may think this person, you more than likely have been with this person through the good and the bad, the weird and the sketchy, and have meant them in all sorts of random creepy locations at all hours of the day and night and therefore will always have their back and remain loyal to them. It's bond that only stoners can really see. You never hear people saying that have shitty dealers and that is the truth. If someone ever rips you off you will never go to them again and you 'll keep looking around until you find that one special someone that you know you want to spend your smoking career with. You've probably smoked with these people on occasion and more than likely they gave you a great deal, and then put a small nug in, and then they matched you, and then you were so high and generous that you packed the next one, and then they bought you something at the nearest fast food establishment and then you and your friends talked and laughed about that classic experience with the dealer for weeks to come. It's definitely not for everyone, but honestly where would us stoners be without our loving, loyal, dependable, sketchy, weird, and probably (and hopefully) baked drug dealers.

Facebook at last!!!

And finally, thanks to the hard work by our technical guys, we now have a newly constructed Facebook page.  Check out the link Check Out Our Facebook

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And to keep the bikini theme going...

Remember this is the last girl of the week and then we'll have our little March Madness Showdown.

My Ice? Your Ice? or Vanilla Ice?

**Just want to note that if there was a Hall of Fame for ice or at least of ice photgraphy , this fucking picture with those fucking ice cubes would be the first ones in. Look how perfect that ice is. So mouth watering, and sensational to the tongue. Oh lord I'm craving those blocks of frozen H2O real bad right about now.

Say you were at a gathering. A rather fine gathering for that matter. And you and some friends decide it would be a good idea for the bong or if you prefer for your glass of orange juice. Nevertheless, prefer anyone says anything one of the group members suggests "We can use my ice."...Now think about it, by doing that he just claimed ownership to the ice as if the ice were property. But is it? The question is, can you have ownership to the ice, I mean after all it is just water which came from Mother Earth itself or at least from a public water source. Either way nobody really owns that water. But now say, it gets noted that group member that offered his ice actually got his water from a water jug in the room owner's room. Curve ball...who's ice is it  now. ...Think about it next time you ask for ice at Applebee's or whatever your dining preference may be. To each their own. Let the light live on.

Extra Extra Read All About It

Lighters are current day slaves. Like seriously they are in so many ways. Don't even let me get started. Alright right from the start, like slaves nobody ever uses the white ones(haha). And they are forced into labor their entire life until they are just drained out of producing any type of energy, and are worked right to the death. When they were purchased and taken to their new owner, they were separated from their families (which in this case would probably be the package they were bought in) and became the property of a new user. (Lighter owners are notorious for being very attached to their lighter so are very stingy  and protective over their property.) Also, like slaves lighters are involved in brandings. Haha and then think about it, they were both used for work done with plants. These guys gotta be like cousins I swear.