Marijuana Smoking Etiquette

October 16, 2009

Are you new to cannabis use? Learn the marijuana smoking etiquette that applies to a worldwide culture.

1. The person who rolls the joint (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and get first hit.

2. If someone rolls a nice joint, it’s good to give the person a complement on his rolling skills.

3. If someone starts bogarting the bowl and starts using the excuse that it’s okay for him to Bogart it since it’s his weed; this is definitely not cool. The punishment depends on the quality of the weed and how much he put in. (if it was real crappy and he was real cheap with it, then you bug on the person and rag on him).

4. If someone is incapable to light the bowl (due to being too stoned or the person is just a not all there) then they must relinquish control of the lighter to someone more able to get it lit. This does NOT mean the person who lights gets free hits… this privilege tends to get abused (“hey lemme light it for you.”)

5. If someone is so much of a newbie stoner that they blow INTO the pipe/joint and blow all the shit on the floor, this person must be ragged on and the person can’t smoke on the next round (unless it was his stuff)

6. If you smoke with someone in your house, you should let him or her eat some munchies you may have lying around… don’t be cheap with your food, if you have any.

7. If someone who’s smoked asks for a sip of your soda, you must give him some, (cotton mouth is not fun).

8. Converse of #7: if you ask for a sip, don’t take a large gulp.

9. If smoking from a joint, never put the whole thing in your mouth and get it all sopping wet. It is disgusting and it messes up the joint.

10. If you’re smoking from a bong and there is not enough in the bowl for a whole other hit, you should save the smoke in the chamber for the next person. (Don’t let go of the rushhold or ‘carb’ and take it all yourself)

11. Never bogart

12. Never bitch about someone else’s weed being no good. If you don’t like it don’t smoke it!

13. If a friend gets you high sometime in the future you need to get that friend high

14. Thou shall not turn down a smoke. Ever!

15. Phrased in the form of a narrative: My buddy and I are sitting around smoking the weed that I just scored. After flaming-up, and taking a few moderate puffs, I pass it on. The sounds that follow can only be described as vacuum-like. After a couple of huge, lung-busting tokes, the guy passes back the remnants of something that could have, at some point, been a joint. If it’s not completely “canoed”, then it’s absolutely soaked. I not so subtly drop that old Cheech & Chong line “Hey man, can I wring it out for you?” He just looks at me.

16. I have noticed the following: After smoking-up, the odd “crass-monkey” some people will actually eat the stained, disgusting roach. This must be because they want that “extra bit” of oil, resin, or whatever is left on the paper. This situation can be compared to the patron of a good restaurant picking up his “as good as empty” plate and licking off the remaining morsels of food. Sure he got that little pool of gravy, but was it really worth it?

17. If you buy weed from a friend or a friend of a friend, it is polite to roll a joint, (a small one, if you wish) and smoke with the person who sells you the stuff.

18. It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl, without notifying that person of its possible cashed-ness. A proper warning would be ‘Here ya go. I think it might be cashed.

19. The person who fills the bowl is given the opportunity to take the first hit. It doesn’t matter whose weed it is.

20. Always remember to thank a person who has gotten you high. I know it sounds silly, but I know people who never say thanks and it gets a little annoying.

21. The person who brought the bud picks the music.

22. When using a bong, DON’T blow out the ashes, unless that’s what the “homeowner” does.

23. NEVER go to someone’s house EXPECTING him or her to catch you a buzz. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule…

24. If you spill the bong, clean it up! (And don’t forget to put water back in!)

25. When the roach gets too small, if someone has a problem with it, it is common courtesy here to put the roach in a bowl and finish it that way. That way the people who don’t mind burning their fingers don’t get it all.

26. Thou shall not roll pinners.

"today I was so high that I looked up from my seated position and realized that I was in the drivers seat of my car and had been sitting at a stop sign for 2 full minutes. the worst part of it all, my 2 friends in the car were also too high to realize anything" - Carly -Burlington, VT

"I walked into the elevator and was so high that I couldn't stop giggling...there were 4 strangers in the elevator looking at me thinking like wtf and I was the last to get off. Believe it was awkward when its was just me and another dude and i tried explaining to him what was going on but I kept giggling so couldn't make out any words...just a lot of weird hand motions and tears of laughter?" -Brad, Amherst, MA

"My friends and I went to Wendy's the other day and I was in shotgun so naturally the first guy to get the bag after the driver reels it in from the dude at the window that hands it to u. anyway I reached into the bag grabbed my Jr. BC and then a chicken wrap...during this time where I became lost inside my food, the classic fast food argument ensued in the backside over who stole who's food, who owes who what, and who fucked up the order. when it got to the point that the enraged victim of the getting fast food stolen scheme yelled my name, I realize that not only were the burger and wrap not mine...I didn't even order anything...wtf was I thinking?" --Derek, Umass-Lowell

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